BUSINESS
“I believe in work-life Jenga, not work-life balance”: Here’s how Stacey Abrams gets things done
Mar 26, 2019
Stacey Abrams
iStock
Real life is chaotic and surprising and impossible to balance. Work-life Jenga is all about making the best out of each moment in our lives, one piece at a time, says political leader and author Stacey Abrams.
I reject the idea of work-life balance. The phrase is a bald-faced lie, designed to hang over the human psyche like the Sword of Damocles, because balance presumes an even distribution of weight, of value. But anyone who has ever lived understands that no set of tips or tricks can create a lifestyle equilibrium. The relentless pursuit of this unachievable end results in hours of self-loathing and diminished quality in the time that we spend in pursuit of either work or life.
Instead, I believe in work-life Jenga. You know, the game where you stack up these seemingly equal-size blocks to form a perfect tower and then proceed to pull them out one by one, restacking as you go along. The goal is to make as many moves as possible without destroying the tower, even as it sways and lists. So too, in work-life Jenga, the expectation is not one of balance; it’s one of strategy and of making the best of each move, one block at a time.
At any given moment, we each face a barrage of obligations, often disparate and distinct from what we thought would happen when we woke up. From the tragic to the common to the extraordinary, life refuses to be divvied up into careful slices of time. No technology can manage to overcome the realities of reality.
“First things first” might be a cliché, but it’s a useful one that means prioritizing what matters most to you and believing there is no wrong answer. When it comes to figuring this out for yourself, the careful binary of work or life entirely misses the point. We may have jobs we go to or families at home, but either can be hard work. I spend most of my time engaged in politics and social justice, but this is my life. Letting go of the finite distinctions and the moral judgments we hear beneath our choices clears the way to allow us to set priorities without condemnation.
I have consistently probed my core to determine what holds my interest and where I want to spend my time. One of my choices occurred during my third year of law school, when I completed my first novel. I’d been thinking about writing for years, had written poetry, dabbled in playwriting and screenplays, even songwriting. The last year of law school is notoriously rigorous.
As a soon-to-be Yale attorney, I had checked the boxes on a few items: job offer, check; journal article, check; novelist, not yet. Since the modern-day legal fairy tale of John Grisham, nearly every budding attorney has a novel waiting for the airport bookstands. I was no different. Approaching the final months before adulthood took complete and total hold of my life, I decided my priority would be writing one too. The original story, one of espionage and intrigue, became a romantic suspense novel. I sent off the pages to an editor, and she bought the manuscript. Soon, I had a book deal, and more pages to write.
Like any good story, mine came with a twist. My book deal earned me car payments, but I wasn’t about to buy a car with my avocation. Writing, however, had always been about more than money. I love the craft — the care of developing a story, plotting out the movements of my characters, delving into their lives like an omniscient voyeur. Writing fueled me, and my task was to make it fit into my life. I practiced my trade as an attorney, and on weekends and holidays I typed away. I assumed a nom de plume, Selena Montgomery, to separate my fiction from more academic publications. Eight novels later, I put Selena aside to focus on the task of leading the House Democrats in Georgia.
I have other novels in various stages of completion, including a teenage amnesiac superhero story, a kids’ book about the mishaps of a nine-year-old alien, a finished legal thriller awaiting edits, and a final Selena Montgomery story. I long for the days when I can again turn my attention back to fiction and pen the stories teeming in my brain. But my priorities have shifted, and I have to believe I will return to my love one day soon. Putting first things first — be it a relationship, a job, or a newly discovered passion — will be a consistent test of addition, which requires a readjustment or sometimes even a subtraction.
First things first also requires us to prioritize our time. President Dwight Eisenhower is credited with inventing a system I’ve found useful in managing time and people. He distinguished between important and urgent and looked for the interplay of the two. Urgency speaks to how time-sensitive an issue may be. Importance categorizes how much of an impact the action can have. The most critical priorities should be both urgent and important: time-sensitive and change-making.
In terms of Work-Life Jenga, you’ve got urgent and important, important but not urgent, urgent but not important, and none of the above. With apologies to President Eisenhower, I go with Gotta Do, Need to Do, Oughta Do, and Might Get Around To.
Under Gotta Do, the test is both if it has to happen now and if it matters if it happens. Rebecca has a paper due in the one graduate studies course that’s a prerequisite for her thesis. The day before it’s due, her girlfriend falls ill, and she spends the next several hours waiting with her at the hospital. Her choices are both important and urgent, and picking which one takes first spot is the crux of Work-Life Jenga. We face smaller, less stark moments of urgent and important that come at us all the time. Sometimes, the only block you can choose is the one right in front of you.
Next is Need to Do. Whether it’s family, friends, projects or personal time, give yourself permission to invest early in the items that need to happen because they will impact your ability to keep your options open. Like a savings account, we can build up a reserve of goodwill and accomplishments, something we can dip into later. Lindsey had worked for me for several years, and she consistently demonstrated dependability, a strong initiative for new ideas, and a great attitude. When a crisis happened, she needed time off and had no idea when she’d be back. I had no hesitation granting her unlimited leave because I trusted her. She’d shown me she understood what was important time and time again.
Oughta Do tends to happen when someone else’s important needs require your urgency. Usually, in these situations the urgency is the result of another person’s sense of first things first. The question to ask is whether their crisis will prevent you from achieving your goals — your firsts. In every organization and nearly every family, someone dominates in the urgent but not important category. Their strident demands or sheepish apologies have the same effect, that of diverting you from your objectives to answer their needs. By appraising your priorities, you can assess whether meeting an urgent request is necessary or can be delegated. Whenever possible, do delegate. Untold amounts of lost time have been ceded to the urgent but not important, but you don’t have to play.
Might Get Around To is exactly what it sounds like. The least relevant demands on our time are the ones that are not important and not urgent. These requests do not advance your interests, and there’s no reason to deal with them now. Of course, this list often includes the things you want but don’t need. The point of prioritization is not to completely ignore these — they may be fun — but to be certain they don’t take up space that should be used for what you really do need. Leave those blocks untouched and move on, knowing you can always come back.
Work-Life Jenga gives us permission to pick our pieces and arrange our lives to suit the desires of our hearts, not the dictates of those around us. I realize that’s easier said than done, but the only way to win is to try.
To win at Work-Life Jenga, you need to identify the priorities and concerns where you intend to focus your energy. These 5 exercises can assist you in the process.
1. Imagine that you’re a reporter for the community newspaper. You have the job of creating headlines, and your life is the topic. Headlines should be no more than 10 to 15 words long and give the reader a good sense of what the story would be about.
A. Write the newspaper headline about you in three to five years.
Personally:
Professionally:
In the Community:
B. Write the newspaper headline about you in seven to ten years.
Personally:
Professionally:
In the Community:
2. Write the title of your keynote address to the senior class of your high school in 25 years.
3. You’ve been awarded a Nobel Prize. What field? For what achievement?
4. You have solved one major crisis (in your family, in your field, in your community, in the world). What was it? How did you do it?
5. What would you do if you had two more useful hours in the day?
Excerpted from Lead from the Outside: How to Build Your Future and Make Real Change. Copyright © 2019 by Stacey Abrams. Published by Picador/Henry Holt. All rights reserved.
Watch her TEDWomen talk here:
3 questions to ask yourself about everything you do
TEDWomen 2018 | November 2018
How you respond after setbacks is what defines your character. Stacey Abrams was the first black woman in the history of the United States to be nominated by a major party for governor -- she lost that hotly contested race, but as she says: the only choice is to move forward. In an electrifying talk, she shares the lessons she learned from her campaign for governor of Georgia, some advice on how to change the world -- and a few hints at her next steps. "Be aggressive about your ambition," Abrams says.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Stacey Abrams · Politician
Former Georgia House Democratic Leader Stacey Abrams made history in 2018 when she earned the Democratic nomination for governor of Georgia.
Transcript:
When I was in high school at the age of 17 -- I graduated from high school in Decatur, Georgia, as valedictorian of my high school -- I was very proud of myself. I was from a low-income community, I had grown up in Mississippi, we'd moved from Mississippi to Georgia so my parents could pursue their degrees as United Methodist ministers. We were poor, but they didn't think we were poor enough, so they were going for permanent poverty.
And so, while they studied at Emory, I studied at Avondale, and I became valedictorian. Well, one of the joys of being valedictorian in the state of Georgia is that you get invited to meet the governor of Georgia. I was mildly interested in meeting him. It was kind of cool. I was more intrigued by the fact that he lived in a mansion, because I watched a lot of "General Hospital" and "Dynasty" as a child.
And so I got up that morning, ready to go to visit the governor. My mom and my dad, who were also invited, got up, and we went outside. But we didn't get in our car. And in the south, a car is a necessary thing. We don't have a lot of public transit, there aren't a lot of options. But if you're lucky enough to live in a community where you don't have a car, the only option is public transit. And that's what we had to take. And so we got on the bus. And we took the bus from Decatur all the way to Buckhead, where the Governor's Mansion sat on this really beautiful acreage of land, with these long black gates that ran the length of the property.
We get to the Governor's Mansion, we pull the little lever that lets them know this is our stop, we get off the bus, my mom, my dad and I, we walk across the street. We walk up the driveway, because there are cars coming up, cars bringing in students from all across the state of Georgia. So we're walking along the side. And as we walk single file along the side, my mom and dad sandwiching me to make sure I don't get hit by one of the cars bringing in the other valedictorians, we approach the guard gate.
When we get to the guard gate, the guard comes out. He looks at me, and he looks at my parents, and he says, "You don't belong here, this is a private event." My dad says, "No, this is my daughter, Stacey. She's one of the valedictorians." But the guard doesn't look at the checklist that's in his hands. He doesn't ask my mom for the invitation that's at the bottom of her very voluminous purse. Instead, he looks over our shoulder at the bus, because in his mind, the bus is telling him a story about who should be there. And the fact that we were too poor to have our own car -- that was a story he told himself. And he may have seen something in my skin color, he may have seen something in my attire; I don't know what went through his mind. But his conclusion was to look at me again, and with a look of disdain, say, "I told you, this is a private event. You don't belong here." Now, my parents were studying to become United Methodist ministers, but they were not pastors yet.
And so they proceeded to engage this gentleman in a very robust discussion of his decision-making skills.
My father may have mentioned that he was going to spend eternity in a very fiery place if he didn't find my name on that checklist. And indeed, the man checks the checklist eventually, and he found my name, and he let us inside. But I don't remember meeting the governor of Georgia. I don't recall meeting my fellow valedictorians from 180 school districts. The only clear memory I have of that day was a man standing in front of the most powerful place in Georgia, looking at me and telling me I don't belong.
And so I decided, 20-some-odd years later, to be the person who got to open the gates.
Unfortunately, you may have read the rest of the story. It didn't quite work out that way. And now I'm tasked with figuring out: How do I move forward? Because, you see, I didn't just want to open the gates for young black women who had been underestimated and told they don't belong. I wanted to open those gates for Latinas and for Asian Americans. I wanted to open those gates for the undocumented and the documented. I wanted to open those gates as an ally of the LGBTQ community. I wanted to open those gates for the families that have to call themselves the victims of gun violence. I wanted to open those gates wide for everyone in Georgia, because that is our state, and this is our nation, and we all belong here.
But what I recognized is that the first try wasn't enough. And my question became: How do I move forward? How do I get beyond the bitterness and the sadness and the lethargy and watching an inordinate amount of television as I eat ice cream?
What do I do next? And I'm going to do what I've always done. I'm going to move forward, because going backwards isn't an option and standing still is not enough.
You see, I began my race for governor by analyzing who I was and what I wanted to be. And there are three questions I ask myself about everything I do, whether it's running for office or starting a business; when I decided to start the New Georgia Project to register people to vote; or when I started the latest action, Fair Fight Georgia. No matter what I do, I ask myself three questions: What do I want? Why do I want it? And how do I get it? And in this case, I know what I want. I want change. That is what I want. But the question is: What change do I want to see?
And I know that the questions I have to ask myself are: One, am I honest about the scope of my ambition? Because it's easy to figure out that once you didn't get what you wanted, then maybe you should have set your sights a little lower, but I'm here to tell you to be aggressive about your ambition. Do not allow setbacks to set you back.
Number two, let yourself understand your mistakes. But also understand their mistakes, because, as women in particular, we're taught that if something doesn't work out, it's probably our fault. And usually, there is something we could do better, but we've been told not to investigate too much what the other side could have done. And this isn't partisan -- it's people. We're too often told that our mistakes are ours alone, but victory is a shared benefit. And so what I tell you to do is understand your mistakes, but understand the mistakes of others. And be clearheaded about it. And be honest with yourself and honest with those who support you.
But once you know what you want, understand why you want it. And even though it feels good, revenge is not a good reason.
Instead, make sure you want it because there's something not that you should do, but something you must do. It has to be something that doesn't allow you to sleep at night unless you're dreaming about it; something that wakes you up in the morning and gets you excited about it; or something that makes you so angry, you know you have to do something about it. But know why you're doing it. And know why it must be done.
You've listened to women from across this world talk about why things have to happen. But figure out what the "why" is for you, because jumping from the "what" to the "do" is meaningless if you don't know why. Because when it gets hard, when it gets tough, when your friends walk away from you, when your supporters forget you, when you don't win your first race -- if you don't know why, you can't try again.
So, first know what you want. Second, know why you want it, but third, know how you're going to get it done. I faced a few obstacles in this race.
Just a few. But in the pursuit, I became the first black woman to ever become the nominee for governor in the history of the United States of America for a major party.
But more importantly, in this process, we turned out 1.2 million African American voters in Georgia. That is more voters than voted on the Democratic side of the ticket in 2014.
Our campaign tripled the number of Latinos who believed their voices mattered in the state of Georgia. We tripled the number of Asian Americans who stood up and said, "This is our state, too." Those are successes that tell me how I can get it done. But they also let me understand the obstacles aren't insurmountable. They're just a little high.
But I also understand that there are three things that always hold us hostage. The first is finances. Now, you may have heard, I'm in a little bit of debt. If you didn't hear about it, you did not go outside.
And finances are something that holds us back so often, our dreams are bounded by how much we have in resources. But we hear again and again the stories of those who overcome those resource challenges. But you can't overcome something you don't talk about. And that's why I didn't allow them to debt-shame me in my campaign. I didn't allow anyone to tell me that my lack of opportunity was a reason to disqualify me from running. And believe me, people tried to tell me I shouldn't run. Friends told me not to run. Allies told me not to run. "USA Today" mentioned maybe I shouldn't run.
But no matter who it was, I understood that finances are often a reason we don't let ourselves dream. I can't say that you will always overcome those obstacles, but I will tell you, you will be damned if you do not try.
The second is fear. And fear is real. It is paralyzing. It is terrifying. But it can also be energizing, because once you know what you're afraid of, you can figure out how to get around it.
And the third is fatigue. Sometimes you just get tired of trying. You get tired of reading about processes and politics and the things that stop you from getting where you want to be. Sometimes, fatigue means that we accept position instead of power. We let someone give us a title as a consolation prize, rather than realizing we know what we want and we're going to get it, even if we're tired. That's why God created naps.
But we also learn in those moments that fatigue is an opportunity to evaluate how much we want it. Because if you are beaten down, if you have worked as hard as you can, if you have done everything you said you should, and it still doesn't work out, fatigue can sap you of your energy. But that's why you go back to the "why" of it.
Because I know we have to have women who speak for the voiceless. I know we have to have people of good conscience who stand up against oppression. I know we have to have people who understand that social justice belongs to us all. And that wakes me up every morning, and that makes me fight even harder. Because I am moving forward, knowing what is in my past. I know the obstacles they have for me. I know what they're going to do, and I'm fairly certain they're energizing and creating new obstacles now. But they've got four years to figure it out. Maybe two.
But here's my point: I know what I want, and that is justice. I know why I want it, because poverty is immoral, and it is a stain on our nation. And I know how I'm going to get it: by moving forward every single day. Thank you so much.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Stacey Abrams is an author, serial entrepreneur, nonprofit CEO and political leader. After 11 years in the Georgia House of Representatives (including 7 as Minority Leader), Abrams became the 2018 Democratic nominee for Governor of Georgia. She was the first black woman to become the gubernatorial nominee for a major party in the US and won more votes than any other Democrat in the state’s history. She has founded multiple organizations devoted to voting rights, training and hiring young people of color, and tackling social issues at the state and national levels. Abrams was the 2012 recipient of the John F. Kennedy New Frontier Award and is a lifetime member of the Council on Foreign Relations.
Source:https://ideas.ted.com/i-believe-in-work-life-jenga-not-work-life-balance-heres-how-stacey-abrams-gets-things-done/www.ted.com
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