Why We Need To Take 20-Somethings Seriously

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Why We Need To Take 20-Somethings Seriously




They’ve been called the Twixters, Choisters, pre-adults, adultescents, the stuck generation and the lost generation, playing out an extended adolescence or an emerging adulthood or their odyssey years. They are the 20-somethings that graduated into one of the worst economies in decades, saddled with some of the highest debt burdens. According to a new report, half of recent college graduates are unemployed or underemployed, scraping by with low-wage service jobs. Those who are working earn less than their 1970s counterparts, when adjusted for inflation.

They are moving back home, going back to school or embracing unpaid internships as the new starter jobs. They are marrying later and starting families later still. They are told to wait it out. They have time. The 20s are for having fun anyway. Real life starts later.

But it doesn’t. It starts now, and they are falling behind.

“I’ve had hundreds–maybe thousands–of clients and students who’ve been misled about how important this decade is,” says Meg Jay, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist specializing in adult development and the author of The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter–and How to Make the Most of Them Now. “In a lot of ways, 20-somethings are not taken seriously. Your 20s really, really matter. You are deciding your life right now, and it will have enormous impact across years and generations to come.”

According to Jay, 80% of life’s most significant events take place by age 35, making the 20s a “developmental sweet spot.” Two-thirds of lifetime wage growth happens in the first 10 years of a career. So those who wait until their 30s to get going in a “real” job will never catch up.

“The biggest myth is that the 20s are a time to think about what you want to do,” notes Jay. “That doesn’t work. You basically know what you want. Just start, and get the best job you can get.”

Reveling in a decade-long identity crisis will not result in better-adjusted adults, she says. Research shows that 20-something unemployment is associated with heavy drinking and depression in middle age—even after becoming regularly employed. Meanwhile, 20-somethings who are underemployed for just nine months tend to be more depressed and less motivated than their peers—even their unemployed peers.

Working as a bartender or coffeehouse barista may have some romance for those screw-The-Man, I-refuse-to-be-chained-to-a-desk types, but Jay says many young people underestimate the satisfaction that comes from joining the working world. The loathed yuppie cube-dweller is on average happier than her still-figuring-it-out brethren, she says.

And while the choice conundrum (what should I do if I can do anything?) may leave some paralyzed, “not making a choice is a choice,” warns Jay. “These 20-somethings think they are keeping their options open, but they are actually closing doors.” Resumes start to look thin, their peers begin surpassing them and, without real-world experience, they’re no closer to a direction.

On the job, they need to calm down and get to work. Because the 20-something brain hasn’t fully matured and is still developing its frontal lobe, which is in charge of overriding emotion with reason, 20-somethings are more sensitive to surprise and criticism, says Jay. Day-to-day events loom larger in their minds. A terse email is taken personally. A boss’s disapproval elicits fear and contempt. Step back and get some perspective, she advises. “You’re not going to be fired because your boss is angry.”

Don’t be fooled: A still-developing brain is not an endorsement for waiting it out, Jay warns. On the contrary, she believes it’s one of a 20-something’s best assets. In the brain’s final growth spurt, learning will never again come so easily. The way you navigate professional landscapes and manage relationships in yours 20s becomes wired into your brain. If you want to change something about yourself, now’s the time to do it.

In the same way Jay cautions against undermining your career trajectory in your 20s, she worries that romantic relationships have also been downgraded to a new level of casualness. Today’s young people marry about five years later than their parents (on average, women at 26 and men at 28), but most will marry. About 75% of Americans are married by 35.

“The upside of marrying later is that we have the potential in our 20s to learn how to have better relationships,” Jay says, “which we can blow by dating around with people we don’t take seriously or living with someone we should never have moved in with.”

Cohabitation has rocketed 1,500% since 1960, with more than 7.5 million unmarried couples living together today. Jay says too often young couples don’t communicate clearly about what living together means for their relationship. It is often convenience, a test or an unspoken step toward marriage without any literal commitment. “It’s easier to get in than get out,” she warns, noting that cohabitation can slide into marriages that aren’t compatible but became too difficult to untangle.

Those that push back career and push back marriage, are also pushing against something with little give: their fertility. Young people have been told that they have years and years ahead to start a family. In reality, fertility drops significantly by age 35 and dramatically by 40. It’s not just a woman’s issue either. Not only is older sperm associated with problems, but when a woman can’t get pregnant, neither can her spouse. You don’t need to start your family in your 20s, but you’d be wise to plan ahead.

“This is a really critical period,” says Jay. “Relationships matter. Work matters. Your personality is changing. It sounds like a lot of pressure, but in my experience they know this is true and feel relieved when someone says, ‘I’m taking your life seriously.’”

This post is part of a series that examines youth in the office, in the words of young workers themselves and others around them. Please share your own insights and experiences in the comments section below.

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Source: www.forbes.com